The Journey of a Thousand Miles

As I write this, I feel so at a loss for words. Here I am, in Grants Pass Oregon, we are on our way to California. I had always dreamed that we would make the drive down here when Diane turned 10. We would go to Disneyland and all the other wonderful experiences that Cali. has to offer. We would stay with Aunt Janet (Mike’s sister) and catch up on years of living in different countries. Share stories of growing up, and of being mothers.

Sadly, we are on our way there to attend Janet’s funeral. She passed away suddenly on April 2nd. Unfortunately, we do not yet know the cause of her untimely death. We only know that she is gone. Irrevocably gone.

As we have been processing this over the last week, it has been difficult for me to accept that everyone grieves in their own way. In my family, we gather our friends and family around us as we cry, sit in silence and laugh over the memories, then cry some more. It has been the opposite in Mike’s family. I don't know if it’s a generational thing, or cultural. As soon as we found out on Sunday, we drove to his parents’ house. After a couple brief hugs and sorrowful words, we headed out for lunch. I just wanted to scream, to cry and weep. But that is 'not how it is done'.
The drive thus far has been much the same. We are all in this mini-van, headed to California, but everybody is pretending they don't know why. It's been a real lesson in acceptance and patience.

We hit the boarder crossing just after six yesterday. Unfortunately, we knew that we would need to go inside for processing. My dear nephew had a couple incidences in his past and now the US government doesn't want him in their country. After nearly three hours we were handed back our passports and sent on our way. By now it is after 9pm and we haven't had dinner yet. While waiting in customs we were not allowed to go back to the van for anything. Mike went out to get my coffee and we both go yelled at for not asking permission. Are you kidding me! I wasn't even allowed to drink it outside the glass door. So as I walked back to the van to put it away (as ordered by his majesty the boarder patrol officer), I guzzled almost all of it while meandering slowly towards the vehicle. You can't even use the bathroom without asking permission from the officer dealing with your case. Nor can you bring in any electronics. So there we sat. Myself, Mike and his parents, Diane and Mike's nephew Dan. Diane was fantastic about waiting so long, with literally nothing to do. Mom was doing all she could to hear what was being said (and not being very discreet about it). It was an extremely high stress situation.From there we drove to Bellingham. It had previously been decided that we were going to have dinner at Olive Garden. Oh how I love eating a full course meal at 10 at night. Poor Mike, he was so tired. We finally finished dinner, then found out that dad had reserved hotel rooms for us in Lynnwood. So now it's almost 11:30 and Mike had to drive to practically Seattle. We arrived there after 1am. At this point, he had been up since 3am because he had to work on Friday.

This morning, we woke up, feeling a little rested. Not bad on 5 hours sleep. After a great hotel lobby breakfast, we piled back into our Dodge Caravan rental. This thing is a gutless tank. I honestly cannot believe that people pay good money for these. The seats are quite hard and get uncomfortable quickly. It is not nearly as smooth as a Toyota Sienna. But it's what we have, so what if we can't pass a fully loaded semi going up a hill. We will get there.

Today was uneventful, although I truly don't know how many pee pee stops we made. Maybe I'll count tomorrow. Thankfully our hotel had a pool and hot tub and we managed to get some down time. Although, that is when I feel the most sorrowful.

My heart aches for Dan and his sister Victoria, and brothers Stephen and David. I couldn't imagine loosing my mother. Sometimes in the van, it's hard not to shed a tear. When I think about Janet my soul aches and my eyes well up with tears. I can barely type even now. She was such an incredible person. So thoughtful all the time. She never forgot a birthday or anniversary. I was sad when they moved to California. Mike and I were not yet engaged when they left. Yet she came to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. And she was there at the hospital the day Diane was born. It makes me so sad that she will never attend her own kids' weddings or hold her grandbabies. I pray for her children, left to navigate young adult life essentially on their own. I want to ask why. Why God? It doesn't make sense. But I know that He makes no mistakes. There is never an error in judgement. Everything is always for His Glory. Oh, that I might be strong enough to convey His love to her children left behind. I pray for grace towards Mike as the responsibility of driving all of us to his own sister’s funeral sits on his shoulders. And I pray that I will have an appreciation for Mike’s parents, as they more often then not, drive me crazy with the way they do things; that during this time I will remember that they are going to bury their only daughter this week. I pray for Diane, as she faces death. That I can answer her questions honestly yet appropriately. And peace for myself. I have found comfort in listening to  worship music, and, at the wise advice of a friend; some pod casts from Rev. John MacAruthr.



How Great Thou Art!
O Lord my God! When I in awesome wonder
Consider all the worlds Thy hands have made.
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Refrain:
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee;
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee:
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!

Verse 2:
When through the woods and forest glades I wander
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees;
When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur
And hear the brook and feel the gentle breeze:
Verse 3:
And when I think that God, His Son not sparing,
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin:

Verse 4:
When Christ shall come with shouts of acclamation
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart!
Then I shall bow in humble adoration,
And there proclaim, my God, how great Thou art!