Today I am cranky. We've been in the van for two days. We made it to Grants Pass yesterday and today we are in Lynnwood, just north of Seattle. We are so close to home, I hate to stop one more night. I'm sick of living out of a suitcase. I'm tired of being a passenger. I'm irritated by every sound people make in the van (especially mouth noises). You know the ones, slurp of coffee, sucking on cough drops, chewing etc.
I am tired of having to stop once an hour for potty breaks. Yup, once every hour! I'm so done with trying to parent Diane from the front seat, while she's sitting in the back beside Nana. I am sick of having my in-laws watch and listen to everything we say and do. I really miss my privacy.
I'm thinking about missing so much work. How far behind in school we are. All the things have have been left undone while we've been gone. I actually broke out in hives on my face today, due to the stress.
So, today I am cranky, I'm trying really hard not to be irritable with everyone around me, but it's been a crap day.
Tonight I will sleep well and pray for a renewed attitude tomorrow.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
We're not in Kansas anymore
Today we had the divine pleasure of driving through LA on our way to Santa Monica. We were unable to spend any length of time there as dad just had a quick meeting with someone. We observed the beach and pier from atop the bluffs. It was pretty cool to see the pier that is famous in so many movies and tv shows.
After we left Santa Monica we followed TomTom's directions towards I5. En route, we needed to make a potty break. So Mike took the next exit. The majority of freeways have high walls on either side, so it is nearly impossible to know what kind of neighbourhood you are in. As soon as we pulled off the highway it was evident to me that we were not in Kansas any more. Most of the houses had barred windows and doors. Some had barbed wire around the fences. The first gas station we came upon did not have a store you could go in to. There was a small window like an ice cream truck, with all the items available for sale displayed behind glass. That's about the moment the TomTom told us to turn left onto South Central to get back to the freeway. South Central!?! Thank the Lord that it was day time. Without hesitation, we followed TomToms directions back to the freeway. Even though we were only in South Central for a few minutes, it was still scary. It was had not to stare at the people and houses like they were the main attraction. "Don't behave like a tourist" I kept telling myself.
The remainder of the afternoon was less eventful as we travelled north out of LA and the smog. The traffic was heavy and the progress was slow. We finally made it to a small city off the I5 called Los Banos. It is here that we will spend the night. If I didn't know better, I'd say that we were south of LA in Mexico. We are definitely a minority here. Apparently this is the town where a lot of criminals from the big cities come to lay low.
The people here are nice, though. We enjoyed pancakes for dinner at Denny's, then back to the hotel for a little R and R. Thankfully this hotel has a pool and hot tub and we were able to relax after dinner before falling asleep in a king sized bed. Sweet Dreams ya'll.
After we left Santa Monica we followed TomTom's directions towards I5. En route, we needed to make a potty break. So Mike took the next exit. The majority of freeways have high walls on either side, so it is nearly impossible to know what kind of neighbourhood you are in. As soon as we pulled off the highway it was evident to me that we were not in Kansas any more. Most of the houses had barred windows and doors. Some had barbed wire around the fences. The first gas station we came upon did not have a store you could go in to. There was a small window like an ice cream truck, with all the items available for sale displayed behind glass. That's about the moment the TomTom told us to turn left onto South Central to get back to the freeway. South Central!?! Thank the Lord that it was day time. Without hesitation, we followed TomToms directions back to the freeway. Even though we were only in South Central for a few minutes, it was still scary. It was had not to stare at the people and houses like they were the main attraction. "Don't behave like a tourist" I kept telling myself.
The remainder of the afternoon was less eventful as we travelled north out of LA and the smog. The traffic was heavy and the progress was slow. We finally made it to a small city off the I5 called Los Banos. It is here that we will spend the night. If I didn't know better, I'd say that we were south of LA in Mexico. We are definitely a minority here. Apparently this is the town where a lot of criminals from the big cities come to lay low.
The people here are nice, though. We enjoyed pancakes for dinner at Denny's, then back to the hotel for a little R and R. Thankfully this hotel has a pool and hot tub and we were able to relax after dinner before falling asleep in a king sized bed. Sweet Dreams ya'll.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Through the Wilderness
Today was the beginning of a new day. A new chapter in our all our lives as we've all been changed by the loss of Janet Elizabeth Brown. Yesterday was a day of pain and sorrow as we said our final goodbyes. There were moments that it seemed we'd never get through. When there seemed to be a lack of oxygen in the air. A weight on the chest.
The funeral and graveside were extremely difficult to get through. It was strange having such a small ceremony. Just Mike and I and Diane, his parents Harold and Evelyn. Winston and the children, Daniel, Victoria, Stephen and David. Two of Winstons co-workers were also in attendance.
The service was simple. The pastor from their church spoke beautifully to all of us. Winston had thoughtfully chosen the flowers and a beautiful casket designed for a lady such as Janet. The sun was shining yesterday as if to remind us all that her soul rests well in the light of Jesus. She will always be remembered as such a dedicated mother, her children are definitely her crown of achievement. For the last few days, their love for each other was so very evident. They truly care for one another although they all live in different cities.
We were able to enjoy a long brunch with everyone before the two middle kids had to head back to university. Tomorrow, we will begin our journey back home. Our burden has been lifted, our souls filled with the everlasting peace of Jesus.
Someone said to me recently, "weddings and funerals are both important events in ones life. But funerals are good for the soul" This week I have found that to be true.
The funeral and graveside were extremely difficult to get through. It was strange having such a small ceremony. Just Mike and I and Diane, his parents Harold and Evelyn. Winston and the children, Daniel, Victoria, Stephen and David. Two of Winstons co-workers were also in attendance.
The service was simple. The pastor from their church spoke beautifully to all of us. Winston had thoughtfully chosen the flowers and a beautiful casket designed for a lady such as Janet. The sun was shining yesterday as if to remind us all that her soul rests well in the light of Jesus. She will always be remembered as such a dedicated mother, her children are definitely her crown of achievement. For the last few days, their love for each other was so very evident. They truly care for one another although they all live in different cities.
We were able to enjoy a long brunch with everyone before the two middle kids had to head back to university. Tomorrow, we will begin our journey back home. Our burden has been lifted, our souls filled with the everlasting peace of Jesus.
Someone said to me recently, "weddings and funerals are both important events in ones life. But funerals are good for the soul" This week I have found that to be true.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
sorrow
Dear God,
That was hard. I felt your love surrounding us all. Your peace that passes understanding, but Lord, that was so hard. I've never heard a woman cry like one who has lost her child. I've never seen a child cry like one who's lost their mother. I've never felt a mans sorrow, like one who's lost his sister. My Dear Father in Heaven, that was hard, so hard.
That was hard. I felt your love surrounding us all. Your peace that passes understanding, but Lord, that was so hard. I've never heard a woman cry like one who has lost her child. I've never seen a child cry like one who's lost their mother. I've never felt a mans sorrow, like one who's lost his sister. My Dear Father in Heaven, that was hard, so hard.
Monday, April 11, 2011
First Day Here
Sunday was another long day of driving. We managed to leave our hotel by 8:20. That’s before I normally get outta bed!! Mike was able to rest well, mostly because I suffered alongside princess kicky pants.
The pass through the mountains is a long one. It brought to mind all the times my parents ventured along this highway with a pile of kids while towing a trailer. Although the highway system here is excellent, and there are no hair pin turns with oncoming traffic only inches away, the quality of the roads is an entirely different story. I had forgotten about America’s love with concrete. The roads are noisy and rough. So rough that at times I thought that we were experiencing one of those old fashioned exercise machines that shake the fat off you!
The drive was beautiful. I did my best to capture some of the beauty of the countryside. I’ve only ever been to California in the summertime and had no idea that they have a green season. We passed hundreds of ranches with rolling hills. All of them covered in a beautiful shade of green. All these hills are covered in grass, not trees like at home. Many times I would glance to the right to see a beautiful valley between the hills. These valleys reminded me of Psalm 23.
A Psalm of David.
1 The LORD is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell[a] in the house of the LORD
Forever.
The valleys were an oasis of small streams with rocky crags and small trees. It became obvious that shepherds would have to lead their sheep down these paths, where it would be impossible to predict the dangers. Clearly the valleys are a necessary part of life.
Today we left Kettleman, a small town just off the I5. We continued the drive town to Temecula. As we grow nearer, the mood in the van becomes more tense. Dad has his own way of doing things and wanted to drive a very long scenic route around LA. Although I agree with not wanting to drive through LA, I also don’t want to add more time onto this trip. We finally decided to follow TomTom, which miraculously skirted us around LA and south to Temecula. We arrived at the house around 3pm and were greeted by Winston and David. Although they both had to head out for a while we were given the quick tour of the house and the plans for the following day.
The funeral will be tomorrow morning, followed by the cemetery. There will only be eleven of us in attendance. Although I understand the desire to keep everything private. I believe that Janet should have had her life celebrated by anyone whose life she touched. I feel that we are all an intrusion on their highly organized lives. Victoria and Stephen are back at University and David is back at school and extra curricular activities. We were informed in no uncertain terms that they are all at very crucial points in their education and cannot afford to take any more time off school.
So we will have the funeral tomorrow and then part of Wednesday to visit with the family, then they go back to life. Again, I am having to adjust my views on how others deal with tragedy. We had originally planned to stay here until Friday or Saturday. But considering the circumstances it seems we will head out on Thursday. Part of me wonders why we even bothered to make the drive down here. I am still dealing with my own thoughts, but it seems everybody else has gotten though it faster then me. Lord help me through this. Being in her house is much harder than I thought it would be. Reminders of her are everywhere. I cannot escape the fact that we are here, in the very house where she died.
We still do not know why she died. Winston told us that because of the recession, there is a backlog in the paperwork for the autopsy. Thankfully they have released her body for burial, but it may be weeks or even months until we know exactly what happened.
So tonight I will try to get some sleep, and tomorrow we will go through what my be one of the hardest days we’ve had to face as a family.
The pass through the mountains is a long one. It brought to mind all the times my parents ventured along this highway with a pile of kids while towing a trailer. Although the highway system here is excellent, and there are no hair pin turns with oncoming traffic only inches away, the quality of the roads is an entirely different story. I had forgotten about America’s love with concrete. The roads are noisy and rough. So rough that at times I thought that we were experiencing one of those old fashioned exercise machines that shake the fat off you!
The drive was beautiful. I did my best to capture some of the beauty of the countryside. I’ve only ever been to California in the summertime and had no idea that they have a green season. We passed hundreds of ranches with rolling hills. All of them covered in a beautiful shade of green. All these hills are covered in grass, not trees like at home. Many times I would glance to the right to see a beautiful valley between the hills. These valleys reminded me of Psalm 23.
A Psalm of David.
1 The LORD is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell[a] in the house of the LORD
Forever.
The valleys were an oasis of small streams with rocky crags and small trees. It became obvious that shepherds would have to lead their sheep down these paths, where it would be impossible to predict the dangers. Clearly the valleys are a necessary part of life.
Today we left Kettleman, a small town just off the I5. We continued the drive town to Temecula. As we grow nearer, the mood in the van becomes more tense. Dad has his own way of doing things and wanted to drive a very long scenic route around LA. Although I agree with not wanting to drive through LA, I also don’t want to add more time onto this trip. We finally decided to follow TomTom, which miraculously skirted us around LA and south to Temecula. We arrived at the house around 3pm and were greeted by Winston and David. Although they both had to head out for a while we were given the quick tour of the house and the plans for the following day.
The funeral will be tomorrow morning, followed by the cemetery. There will only be eleven of us in attendance. Although I understand the desire to keep everything private. I believe that Janet should have had her life celebrated by anyone whose life she touched. I feel that we are all an intrusion on their highly organized lives. Victoria and Stephen are back at University and David is back at school and extra curricular activities. We were informed in no uncertain terms that they are all at very crucial points in their education and cannot afford to take any more time off school.
So we will have the funeral tomorrow and then part of Wednesday to visit with the family, then they go back to life. Again, I am having to adjust my views on how others deal with tragedy. We had originally planned to stay here until Friday or Saturday. But considering the circumstances it seems we will head out on Thursday. Part of me wonders why we even bothered to make the drive down here. I am still dealing with my own thoughts, but it seems everybody else has gotten though it faster then me. Lord help me through this. Being in her house is much harder than I thought it would be. Reminders of her are everywhere. I cannot escape the fact that we are here, in the very house where she died.
We still do not know why she died. Winston told us that because of the recession, there is a backlog in the paperwork for the autopsy. Thankfully they have released her body for burial, but it may be weeks or even months until we know exactly what happened.
So tonight I will try to get some sleep, and tomorrow we will go through what my be one of the hardest days we’ve had to face as a family.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
The Journey of a Thousand Miles
As I write this, I feel so at a loss for words. Here I am, in Grants Pass Oregon, we are on our way to California. I had always dreamed that we would make the drive down here when Diane turned 10. We would go to Disneyland and all the other wonderful experiences that Cali. has to offer. We would stay with Aunt Janet (Mike’s sister) and catch up on years of living in different countries. Share stories of growing up, and of being mothers.
Sadly, we are on our way there to attend Janet’s funeral. She passed away suddenly on April 2nd. Unfortunately, we do not yet know the cause of her untimely death. We only know that she is gone. Irrevocably gone.
As we have been processing this over the last week, it has been difficult for me to accept that everyone grieves in their own way. In my family, we gather our friends and family around us as we cry, sit in silence and laugh over the memories, then cry some more. It has been the opposite in Mike’s family. I don't know if it’s a generational thing, or cultural. As soon as we found out on Sunday, we drove to his parents’ house. After a couple brief hugs and sorrowful words, we headed out for lunch. I just wanted to scream, to cry and weep. But that is 'not how it is done'.
The drive thus far has been much the same. We are all in this mini-van, headed to California, but everybody is pretending they don't know why. It's been a real lesson in acceptance and patience.
We hit the boarder crossing just after six yesterday. Unfortunately, we knew that we would need to go inside for processing. My dear nephew had a couple incidences in his past and now the US government doesn't want him in their country. After nearly three hours we were handed back our passports and sent on our way. By now it is after 9pm and we haven't had dinner yet. While waiting in customs we were not allowed to go back to the van for anything. Mike went out to get my coffee and we both go yelled at for not asking permission. Are you kidding me! I wasn't even allowed to drink it outside the glass door. So as I walked back to the van to put it away (as ordered by his majesty the boarder patrol officer), I guzzled almost all of it while meandering slowly towards the vehicle. You can't even use the bathroom without asking permission from the officer dealing with your case. Nor can you bring in any electronics. So there we sat. Myself, Mike and his parents, Diane and Mike's nephew Dan. Diane was fantastic about waiting so long, with literally nothing to do. Mom was doing all she could to hear what was being said (and not being very discreet about it). It was an extremely high stress situation.From there we drove to Bellingham. It had previously been decided that we were going to have dinner at Olive Garden. Oh how I love eating a full course meal at 10 at night. Poor Mike, he was so tired. We finally finished dinner, then found out that dad had reserved hotel rooms for us in Lynnwood. So now it's almost 11:30 and Mike had to drive to practically Seattle. We arrived there after 1am. At this point, he had been up since 3am because he had to work on Friday.
This morning, we woke up, feeling a little rested. Not bad on 5 hours sleep. After a great hotel lobby breakfast, we piled back into our Dodge Caravan rental. This thing is a gutless tank. I honestly cannot believe that people pay good money for these. The seats are quite hard and get uncomfortable quickly. It is not nearly as smooth as a Toyota Sienna. But it's what we have, so what if we can't pass a fully loaded semi going up a hill. We will get there.
Today was uneventful, although I truly don't know how many pee pee stops we made. Maybe I'll count tomorrow. Thankfully our hotel had a pool and hot tub and we managed to get some down time. Although, that is when I feel the most sorrowful.
My heart aches for Dan and his sister Victoria, and brothers Stephen and David. I couldn't imagine loosing my mother. Sometimes in the van, it's hard not to shed a tear. When I think about Janet my soul aches and my eyes well up with tears. I can barely type even now. She was such an incredible person. So thoughtful all the time. She never forgot a birthday or anniversary. I was sad when they moved to California. Mike and I were not yet engaged when they left. Yet she came to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. And she was there at the hospital the day Diane was born. It makes me so sad that she will never attend her own kids' weddings or hold her grandbabies. I pray for her children, left to navigate young adult life essentially on their own. I want to ask why. Why God? It doesn't make sense. But I know that He makes no mistakes. There is never an error in judgement. Everything is always for His Glory. Oh, that I might be strong enough to convey His love to her children left behind. I pray for grace towards Mike as the responsibility of driving all of us to his own sister’s funeral sits on his shoulders. And I pray that I will have an appreciation for Mike’s parents, as they more often then not, drive me crazy with the way they do things; that during this time I will remember that they are going to bury their only daughter this week. I pray for Diane, as she faces death. That I can answer her questions honestly yet appropriately. And peace for myself. I have found comfort in listening to worship music, and, at the wise advice of a friend; some pod casts from Rev. John MacAruthr.
How Great Thou Art!
O Lord my God! When I in awesome wonder
Consider all the worlds Thy hands have made.
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.
Refrain:
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee;
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee:
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Verse 2:
When through the woods and forest glades I wander
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees;
When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur
And hear the brook and feel the gentle breeze:
Verse 3:
And when I think that God, His Son not sparing,
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin:
Verse 4:
When Christ shall come with shouts of acclamation
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart!
Then I shall bow in humble adoration,
And there proclaim, my God, how great Thou art!
Sadly, we are on our way there to attend Janet’s funeral. She passed away suddenly on April 2nd. Unfortunately, we do not yet know the cause of her untimely death. We only know that she is gone. Irrevocably gone.
As we have been processing this over the last week, it has been difficult for me to accept that everyone grieves in their own way. In my family, we gather our friends and family around us as we cry, sit in silence and laugh over the memories, then cry some more. It has been the opposite in Mike’s family. I don't know if it’s a generational thing, or cultural. As soon as we found out on Sunday, we drove to his parents’ house. After a couple brief hugs and sorrowful words, we headed out for lunch. I just wanted to scream, to cry and weep. But that is 'not how it is done'.
The drive thus far has been much the same. We are all in this mini-van, headed to California, but everybody is pretending they don't know why. It's been a real lesson in acceptance and patience.
We hit the boarder crossing just after six yesterday. Unfortunately, we knew that we would need to go inside for processing. My dear nephew had a couple incidences in his past and now the US government doesn't want him in their country. After nearly three hours we were handed back our passports and sent on our way. By now it is after 9pm and we haven't had dinner yet. While waiting in customs we were not allowed to go back to the van for anything. Mike went out to get my coffee and we both go yelled at for not asking permission. Are you kidding me! I wasn't even allowed to drink it outside the glass door. So as I walked back to the van to put it away (as ordered by his majesty the boarder patrol officer), I guzzled almost all of it while meandering slowly towards the vehicle. You can't even use the bathroom without asking permission from the officer dealing with your case. Nor can you bring in any electronics. So there we sat. Myself, Mike and his parents, Diane and Mike's nephew Dan. Diane was fantastic about waiting so long, with literally nothing to do. Mom was doing all she could to hear what was being said (and not being very discreet about it). It was an extremely high stress situation.From there we drove to Bellingham. It had previously been decided that we were going to have dinner at Olive Garden. Oh how I love eating a full course meal at 10 at night. Poor Mike, he was so tired. We finally finished dinner, then found out that dad had reserved hotel rooms for us in Lynnwood. So now it's almost 11:30 and Mike had to drive to practically Seattle. We arrived there after 1am. At this point, he had been up since 3am because he had to work on Friday.
This morning, we woke up, feeling a little rested. Not bad on 5 hours sleep. After a great hotel lobby breakfast, we piled back into our Dodge Caravan rental. This thing is a gutless tank. I honestly cannot believe that people pay good money for these. The seats are quite hard and get uncomfortable quickly. It is not nearly as smooth as a Toyota Sienna. But it's what we have, so what if we can't pass a fully loaded semi going up a hill. We will get there.
Today was uneventful, although I truly don't know how many pee pee stops we made. Maybe I'll count tomorrow. Thankfully our hotel had a pool and hot tub and we managed to get some down time. Although, that is when I feel the most sorrowful.
My heart aches for Dan and his sister Victoria, and brothers Stephen and David. I couldn't imagine loosing my mother. Sometimes in the van, it's hard not to shed a tear. When I think about Janet my soul aches and my eyes well up with tears. I can barely type even now. She was such an incredible person. So thoughtful all the time. She never forgot a birthday or anniversary. I was sad when they moved to California. Mike and I were not yet engaged when they left. Yet she came to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. And she was there at the hospital the day Diane was born. It makes me so sad that she will never attend her own kids' weddings or hold her grandbabies. I pray for her children, left to navigate young adult life essentially on their own. I want to ask why. Why God? It doesn't make sense. But I know that He makes no mistakes. There is never an error in judgement. Everything is always for His Glory. Oh, that I might be strong enough to convey His love to her children left behind. I pray for grace towards Mike as the responsibility of driving all of us to his own sister’s funeral sits on his shoulders. And I pray that I will have an appreciation for Mike’s parents, as they more often then not, drive me crazy with the way they do things; that during this time I will remember that they are going to bury their only daughter this week. I pray for Diane, as she faces death. That I can answer her questions honestly yet appropriately. And peace for myself. I have found comfort in listening to worship music, and, at the wise advice of a friend; some pod casts from Rev. John MacAruthr.
How Great Thou Art!
O Lord my God! When I in awesome wonder
Consider all the worlds Thy hands have made.
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.
Refrain:
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee;
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee:
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Verse 2:
When through the woods and forest glades I wander
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees;
When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur
And hear the brook and feel the gentle breeze:
Verse 3:
And when I think that God, His Son not sparing,
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin:
Verse 4:
When Christ shall come with shouts of acclamation
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart!
Then I shall bow in humble adoration,
And there proclaim, my God, how great Thou art!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Mammogram
Soooo yesterday was the big day. Having heard all the horror stories of the pain and awkwardness (not to mention one particular story of at mammogram tech with a heavy eastern European accent) I was a little nervous going into the appointment.
It's not like you can prepare mentally for the experience. Similar to childbirth, everyone tells you their horror stories, never the good stuff. So I made my way to the clinic. No deodorant, no perfumes, and NO CAFFEINE! Really, I was not allowed even one little cup of coffee for 24 hours before. Now that's what I call pain. I almost resorted to herbal tea!
Thankfully the waiting room was fairly vacant of other patients, and I didn't need to wait that long. The process was relatively quick and painless. Although very awkward socially. I was actually surprised by the fact that it was not painful. I have heard that those of us who are 'gifted' have an easier time with this process. Finally, a reason to be thankful for my particular 'giftedness'
The radiologist told me that she didn't see anything that they should be concerned about, but wants me to come in for an ultrasound in a couple weeks. Even though I really wasn't too worried about the lump I found last week, I am thankful that I went to my doctor to make sure. These are the things we should not put off. The fact that we live in Canada and can have our pap tests and mammograms for free means there is never a reason not to go.
It's not like you can prepare mentally for the experience. Similar to childbirth, everyone tells you their horror stories, never the good stuff. So I made my way to the clinic. No deodorant, no perfumes, and NO CAFFEINE! Really, I was not allowed even one little cup of coffee for 24 hours before. Now that's what I call pain. I almost resorted to herbal tea!
Thankfully the waiting room was fairly vacant of other patients, and I didn't need to wait that long. The process was relatively quick and painless. Although very awkward socially. I was actually surprised by the fact that it was not painful. I have heard that those of us who are 'gifted' have an easier time with this process. Finally, a reason to be thankful for my particular 'giftedness'
The radiologist told me that she didn't see anything that they should be concerned about, but wants me to come in for an ultrasound in a couple weeks. Even though I really wasn't too worried about the lump I found last week, I am thankful that I went to my doctor to make sure. These are the things we should not put off. The fact that we live in Canada and can have our pap tests and mammograms for free means there is never a reason not to go.
It couldn't be
Denial. The first response to any bad news or impeding difficult situation. That's where I am at in this moment. The last couple of days I've had a dull pain in my left breast. It feels like when you have a rock in your shoe. Not high on the pain scale, but enough that it cannot be ignored. I decided yesterday that it must be ovulation hormones. But that is not the case according to my iPhone period app. So now it is time to book an appointment with the Dr. I know that I am suppose to do a self check, to look for anything the size and hardness of a pea or marble. But of course, everything feels that way. When you've been gifted with fabulous dense breasts, it makes it very difficult to discern what anything is. I will not panic. I will trust in the almighty God. If it is benign, than will have worried for nothing, if it is malignant, than I will take the next step. 'It is what it is' they say.
I will save this blog entry and not post it until I have more information, but I needed just to get it out of my system before I call my Dr's office.
I will save this blog entry and not post it until I have more information, but I needed just to get it out of my system before I call my Dr's office.
Monday, January 17, 2011
In transition
For the last few weeks, I have been training at my new career! I was recently hired at an animal emergency clinic. Although I have no experience with animals (in fact I don't have much appreciation for them either) my reception experience coupled with my maturity (finally my age is a plus!!!) gained me a position at the reception desk. It also helps that my sister has worked there for a while. She is a trained and experienced Veterinary Office Assistant.
Through all this training, I am learning so much. The job is not just reception, but a VOA in training. How blessed I am to have this opportunity. Just a while ago, at my current job as a waitress, I mentioned to a coworker that if I were 39 years old and 364 days and still waitressing, I would have to walk off the job as I refuse to be serving in a restaurant at 40. That is still a few years away, but close enough to warrant the thoughts towards a career change.
As excited as I am, I feel totally exhausted. Doing both jobs, and pullin' up the bootstraps on homeschooling is taking a lot out of me. I'm also trying to get my priorities in order, by spending more intentional time (not just emergency) in Gods's word and resting in His presence. Add to that the desire to see a more healthier me by adding a little exercise and nutrition into my day and I find myself busy. Kind of like the Veggie Tales song...
So for now: I'm busy, busy, horribly busy, but not too much busy for YOU!
Through all this training, I am learning so much. The job is not just reception, but a VOA in training. How blessed I am to have this opportunity. Just a while ago, at my current job as a waitress, I mentioned to a coworker that if I were 39 years old and 364 days and still waitressing, I would have to walk off the job as I refuse to be serving in a restaurant at 40. That is still a few years away, but close enough to warrant the thoughts towards a career change.
As excited as I am, I feel totally exhausted. Doing both jobs, and pullin' up the bootstraps on homeschooling is taking a lot out of me. I'm also trying to get my priorities in order, by spending more intentional time (not just emergency) in Gods's word and resting in His presence. Add to that the desire to see a more healthier me by adding a little exercise and nutrition into my day and I find myself busy. Kind of like the Veggie Tales song...
So for now: I'm busy, busy, horribly busy, but not too much busy for YOU!
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